rooftops.

my rooftop is a place of peace. here is where i retreat whenever i feel overwhelmed. whenever i question my sanity as to my recent move or become overwhelmed at the idea of my unemployment – whenever i begin to question who i am or who i’m becoming – i go to very top and survey the sky.

i watch as the sun sets and the lights on capitol hill begin to brighten the night sky. i can see the Washington monument’s blinking red lights warning off approaching planes. to my eyes, these lights become the eyes of a friendly monster who wishes a plane would venture close enough to become a tasty snack. i’m not quite sure how our leaders would feel about their precious mason stone tower being referred to as a monster, but i think ol’ george would smile at the idea.

sometimes i want to stand on the very corner of my roof and blow millions and millions of kisses to the city below. i believe this city could use a little bit more of love and i think even just the tiniest amount of goodness i send from my rooftop are felt by the tenderest of hearts below.

i’m lonely.

a rather silly statement if you consider the fact that i live with two of my best friends. but if there is one thing i have learned recently it’s this: i am not a loner. i need my alone time as much as others and have often been called a loner but - i desperately need people.

desperately.

i need to talk to them, learn from them, eat with them, laugh with them, whatever. i desire interaction. mollie says i can make friends with anyone but i am quick to remind her these are usually just friendly chats with cashiers or bus drivers – not lasting friendships. i’m finally beginning to realize how much we all need each other (could be because i’ve been reading “eat, pray, love”). i hate to use that word “community” (it has become cliché and overused) but there is nothing i desire more than a dinner table piled with food and even larger amounts of conversation.

all i know is – it’s completely possible to be surrounded by millions of people and feel completely alone.

not that loneliness is a bad thing. it’s something i have to get used to considering the fact that i’ll be moving to a city full of complete strangers very soon. so i try to embrace it. i invite loneliness out to lunch, let it snuggle with me in bed, even offer to split my smoothie with it. loneliness and i will become friends. isn’t it amusing how closely the words fiends and friends are related?

the funny thing is – i’ve always prided myself on how independent i am. i don’t let many people close. not only is this approach safer but with the nomad life i’ve chosen it’s the “best” direction. but now that i need this so-called strength… i have no desire for it.

megs told me that for someone who says she's completely honest - i'm not completely honest. so i attempt honesty. i open my heart just a crack to say this statement which shows a weakness i don't like to admit.

now i realize that it’s much braver to admit that i need you. and yes, you need me.