falling.

i'm in love.

and i know it'll only end in heartbreak.

sigh.

what's a girl to do?

she feels herself slowly falling deeper and deeper. she wants to settle in, pull the love over her like a warm, knit blanket and snuggle up to her newest found obsession. but she can't. she knows that soon she'll be leaving and her lover and her will be separated for an unknown period of time (at least a year).

long distance won't work. they can't chat via phone or web cam, she would have to do all the visiting in the relationship and cheating is always possible.

and what if she leaves, and falls in love with someone new?

it would be a different kind of love but it would be love. she would still harbor feelings for her old flame, never quite able to cut the connection but still moving forward in life.

so hesitation sets in, a sick feeling in the stomach knowing that you can't stop the free fall that is beginning to occur.

i guess - i'm ready to settle down.

i'm falling in love with washington d.c. and it's refusing to return my phone calls because it knows i'm leaving in just a few months.

instead, it drops subtle hints. makes references to a future it knows i cannot promise myself to and other girls names are showing up on its caller id.

heartbreak.

pure and simple.

the nomad life is wearing on me and the idea of consistency is becoming appealing.

a home, a neighborhood, friends, plans, neighbors who know your name, favorite restaurants, traditions, all are within my reach.

one day.

and while i know i'll return to this city one day, (don't ask why, i just know) i know that i'll miss it while i am away. it makes this romance bittersweet but even that more special. it reminds me to savor the little moments and enjoy the glitter of it all.

but that's the thing about love - there's always a chance that it's a fleeting emotion. you know it can come and go any day and the other might not return your affection. there will be heartbreak at the end (if it does end) but the heartbreak is worth it for all the shining moments before.

and if we aren't able to fall in love now, who says we'll ever be able to stay in love?