success.

i cleaned out another desk this week.

i've got it down to a science - remove all papers, recycle, neatly order office supplies, clean all files off computer, email all appropriate people to tell of the change, wave goodbye and walk away.

i ended my internship at NPR.
it sounds like a crazy idea. here i am, an aspiring journalist, and i just turned down one of the greatest career moves i have had so far. yes, i left.

why, you ask?

well, exhaustion and the knowledge that what i do should not define who i am.
i've always been a hard worker, working two jobs if able and thriving off a packed schedule.
that changes this week.

it all depends on how you define success. i've always believed achieving happiness is the best kind of success and i'm afraid that if i don't chase happiness right now then my future life might become defined by a substantial paycheck combined with long hours.
i'd rather have wrinkles from laughter than from frowning at a computer screen. i'd rather lose sleep because i spent the night laughing with a friend rather than working through the night. i want to remain focused on my goal - a fulfilled life. i'd rather watch a sunset than sit at a desk.

i'm not taking a step away from my ambition. oh no, writing is what i love and it is what i will do even if it has to be in secret journals hidden in the back of closets that no one will ever read. i will continue to chase my dreams, but i will do it without the lack of sleep and the loss of hair. i will do it on my own terms making sure that i live life much more than i work.

i live in a city where what you do defines who you are. the idea that i do not have anything to define me throws me into a sort of limbo. perhaps it's time for something else to define me besides my work. i find the idea of one part of my personality, one single word becoming a definition of who i am to be incredibly limited.

a sixty hour work week is possible, but it is not enjoyable and it is not healthy.
so i made a hard decision and decided that while the internship with NPR was great - perhaps it was not ideal for me at this moment. fortunately, leaving the internship does not mean that i take on the life of a vagabond, no, i'll continue working almost 40 hours a week at the coffee shop and will spend my extra time learning the best way possible - through living, reading and discussion. oh yes, experience is the best teacher.

soon these dark circles under my eyes will disappear and i won't fall asleep in movies. i can spend extra time with my room mates and friends or exploring this great city before i move away.

it was a difficult decision. you're probably still questioning my sanity.

but if there is one thing that i have learned throughout this course of life - you have to listen to your heart. and once you do, you cannot regret but have to continue stumbling through life with the best intentions and often the greatest foul-ups.

i've made the right decision this time.

love to all.

"they say you're really not somebody - until somebody else loves you."

ramblings.

it's been a while since i've last written so this post will consist mostly of "catching up."
my computer decided to end our relationship the day after i moved here so trying to find a computer to borrow has put a dint in my writing.

i'm quite sure that only my parents read my posts and they already know everything due to our daily phone calls... but just in case a straggler wanders in - i'll commence with a quick summary.

so grab a cup of tea and a comfortable chair and let's go.

i ended an internship with a congresswoman last wednesday. i had been there for three weeks doing the usual internship type jobs. writing letters, articles, editing, surfing the internet, press clips, talking to angry constituents, etc. it was completely worth it though a rather short stint of three weeks. but there's nothing like waking up in the morning and walking into the house of representatives office building to make you really feel like you're in DC.

i've always been interested in politics since i was a little girl and considered entering the field. while other girls dreamed about becoming ballerinas, i dreamed of being an ambassador (don't let that fool you - i also wanted to be a veterinarian, like every other little girl).

so the opportunity to do an internship on the Hill was amazing. of course, i also learned that... i'm not like politicans. at all. no offense to them, but there is a certain type of personality that tends to dominate Capitol Hill and i tended to feel like a brightly colored fish out of water.

the end of my time on the Hill came with an internship offer from NPR. yes, the NPR. let's just say that i was thrilled to even interview and when i got the email saying i got the internship - i literally sat down on the street curb in shock. i then proceeded to call my mother in exuberance and even my sister as i did twirls in front of union station (while i may not have had ballerina aspirations - i still enjoy a good twirl).

the internship starts tomorrow. but i'm approaching this like i've been approaching everything lately, with reservations. i know, who has reservations about NPR? but i've determined that if it doesn't quite fit - then i'll quit and spend my free afternoons writing.

the afternoons would be free but my mornings will always be spent at ebenezers coffeeshop. every weekday morning i'm up before the sun, catching my bus to open up the shop that is right by union station and around the corner from CNN (hence, the visit by wolf blitzer). i love working there even though it goes against my nature to be awake that early. while i may be more used to going to sleep that early rather then waking up - i like a challenge.

i also like the regulars. and we have a lot. my current life has about as much consistency as the DC metro system (that's to say - none) and there's something about seeing familiar faces throughout the week that provides me a bit of stability. also, it allows for conversations, recognition and friendly smiles. ah - it's truly the little things in life.

i also moved. again.
i'm no longer crashing on mollie and emmie's chair (due to the lack of a couch) but now reside in the district in the basement of a house. the biggest improvement? a bed. yes, i haven't slept in a bed since i left texas and it really does make a difference. while i did get to snag an airbed every few nights - there is still nothing like the firmness of a mattress beneath you as you dream.

with an new house comes new room mates which translates into new conversations, introductions and exchanging of stories.
ah, if there is one thing DC is teaching me - it's how to make friends.
unfortunately, making friends isn't necessarily easy. sometimes you strike out, other times you find one somewhere you least expected.
making a friend is like trying to date someone. you hope they're as interested in you as you are in them. you hope that they won't reject you when you ask them to hang out. there's the fear of them not showing up to dinner, etc. etc. or perhaps i'm the only one who experiences these anxieties concerning friendships. i actually think dating might be easier than making a friend. but that might be because i'm shy.

yes, i am shy.

but i am becoming less shy. which is hard, in case you were wondering.

i'm also growing patience. this occurs when you have to wait at a bus stop for a bus that you're not even sure is coming. yes, even the metro can mean waiting for a train for about 15 minutes. it's happened and it'll happen again. i have a love/hate relationship with public transportation but it has enabled me to not think anything of a hour long trip that remains within one city. when i get back to texas - the roads will seem so much shorter.

i have my good days and my bad days. my good 5 minutes and my bad 5 minutes. i would think i was bipolar if i didn't know any better. instead, i'm just growing up and it hurts like the dickens.

so besides moving to a new house, attempting to figure out another bus route, getting an edgy haircut that causes double takes in mirrors, making new friends and starting a new internship - life in the district has been pretty normal. i'm even contemplating dying my hair red.

love you all.