lyrics.

i didn't go to church this morning.

i woke up on time. ate my toast and orange. put on my makeup. picked out my dress. drove. parked in the parking lot. sat in my running car. then pulled out. drove home. washed off my makeup. took off my dress. and sat on my bed.

sometimes church isn't about a building.
sometimes all i need for church is words and music -two things that are such a major part of who i am. i think a lot of people don't understand that - that sometimes, a church building is the last thing a person needs and a quilt, open window and early morning air is perfect.

and so, my church consisted of my ipod and "sex God" the latest book i'm reading.
a really good book, mind you.

i won't go into the semantics as to why i didn't go to church - that would be a rather long blog concerning friends, connections, moving, etc. instead, i'll just tell you about my church service with relient k.

the thing about music is that i really feel it brings you closer to God. no matter if the song is intended to be "christian" or not - it can be spiritual.
the thing about relient k is, sometimes i'm not sure what the meaning of their songs are but i think what matters is what a song means to you more than what it meant to the writer.

which is why i'm not going to explain what these songs mean to me or even give you my favorite lines - no, you'll have to determine what they mean to you without my influence.

"there was no thief"
"let it all out"
"who i am hates who i've been"

diving.

i've started a blog.
yes.
the day has finally come.

there isn't much to write. a recent college grad, i sit on my couch turned bed, watching a chick flick while listening to my washing machine churn my clothes clean.

i'm at a crossroads right now. and i don't mean britney spears "crossroads" complete with sun and songs. no, this crossroads involves moving, jobs and the heart. that's the thing about being a college graduate not attending graduate school til january - a freedom that seems both exhilarating and frightening.

i love it when you put something in the oven completely unsure how it will turn out. this is usually how i cook. it's an endless adventure that reaches its peak as you suddenly catch a whiff of the smell emitting from the oven. ah. at least it smells good. tonight's creation involves tilapia, spinach, mushrooms and asparagus. cooking is just one of the recent joys i've rediscovered in my recent days of freedom.

another is reading. fill-ins. dvr. phone calls. sleep. the possibilities are endless.

but while the freedom is enjoyable - it's also unnerving. i don't know how to not be busy. i'm used to full schedules, every second filled, a to-do list for every day. not that i still don't have things to do - like look for scholarships, finish organizing my itunes and learning how to run. but it's different. i'm alone. no room mate. no close friends. no lulabelle.

i'm learning how to be alone. and that's scary.
but mainly, it's boring.
there are things that are enjoyable about not having a room mate - such as the shedding of clothes, but then there are times when being alone isn't fun - such as when the cable isn't working or critters have invaded your room.

right now, i'm just being. sitting. breathing. reading. enjoying. thinking.
thinking about the future, tomorrow, the next day, a month from now.
no plans means plenty of time to make plans.

if only someone could hand me a fortune cookie that says "choose this path, brianna! it'll bring you the most happiness!"

because we all know i am an expert at making bad choices.

"when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision." - the alchemist.