diving.

i've started a blog.
yes.
the day has finally come.

there isn't much to write. a recent college grad, i sit on my couch turned bed, watching a chick flick while listening to my washing machine churn my clothes clean.

i'm at a crossroads right now. and i don't mean britney spears "crossroads" complete with sun and songs. no, this crossroads involves moving, jobs and the heart. that's the thing about being a college graduate not attending graduate school til january - a freedom that seems both exhilarating and frightening.

i love it when you put something in the oven completely unsure how it will turn out. this is usually how i cook. it's an endless adventure that reaches its peak as you suddenly catch a whiff of the smell emitting from the oven. ah. at least it smells good. tonight's creation involves tilapia, spinach, mushrooms and asparagus. cooking is just one of the recent joys i've rediscovered in my recent days of freedom.

another is reading. fill-ins. dvr. phone calls. sleep. the possibilities are endless.

but while the freedom is enjoyable - it's also unnerving. i don't know how to not be busy. i'm used to full schedules, every second filled, a to-do list for every day. not that i still don't have things to do - like look for scholarships, finish organizing my itunes and learning how to run. but it's different. i'm alone. no room mate. no close friends. no lulabelle.

i'm learning how to be alone. and that's scary.
but mainly, it's boring.
there are things that are enjoyable about not having a room mate - such as the shedding of clothes, but then there are times when being alone isn't fun - such as when the cable isn't working or critters have invaded your room.

right now, i'm just being. sitting. breathing. reading. enjoying. thinking.
thinking about the future, tomorrow, the next day, a month from now.
no plans means plenty of time to make plans.

if only someone could hand me a fortune cookie that says "choose this path, brianna! it'll bring you the most happiness!"

because we all know i am an expert at making bad choices.

"when someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision." - the alchemist.