texas.

i usually drive fast.

but tonight - i drive slow. five miles under the speed limit, the window open, the radio off - just the sounds of the passing cars and the wind. the air is pregnant with the promise of rain. it won't deliver. it's been hinting at liquid refreshment for a week now but all that has shown are a few drops and the strike of lightening. it rains everywhere but plano.

late night drives clear my head. of course, it's difficult to find a good place to drive in the suburbs, which is one of the reasons i'll always be a small-town texas girl.

as i drive, i remember other late night drives. i remember heartbreak. my first kiss. campfires. tire swings and creeks, the smell of horses and endless roads all alone. rocks thrown at a bedroom window and early morning walks with best friends.

i'm leaving texas.

i've left before but i've always come back.
this will be the first step for me. i don't think a lot of people realize this - but this is it. this is when i finally move away and when i come back, i won't be coming back to live but to visit. it's time to play grownup complete with learning how to change a tire (of course, i won't have a car for a couple of years so i really can wait).

there are people who don't like texas and search for an exit as soon as possible. there are others that don't understand texan pride and our obsession with our own state. but i'll always love this place. i'll always be the little girl riding a horse up a mountain knowing you have to lean forward. i'll always be the girl who fell in a creek and laughed even in front of her new boyfriend. the girl who would pet a goat over a cat any day, who butters her tortillas as an afternoon snack and wears her grandmother's beaten up cowboy boots whenever possible.

i'm not saying texas is better than other places. i think every place is glorious in its own way.
i'm just saying that there aren't many places you can go where a person feels the inclination to include a complete stranger in a conversation. how many times have you gone to a restaurant, a movie, a grocery store, and a complete stranger has leaned over and joked about something with you? we're the only ones of our kind who admit to and accept eavesdropping.

i'll miss you, texas.

this isn't goodbye, texas, this is just "see you later."